The Cat 5 Tattoo

This begins the first in a series of weekly tips aimed at making you more Pro while cycling. This week, we begin with the cycling faux-pas of the Cat 5 Tattoo. This is the "tattoo" of your greasy chain ring that appears on the inside of your right calf (or elsewhere on either leg) after you bump your bike with your leg.

Cat 5 is short for Category 5, the entry-level category for men in USA Cycling, a group characterized by too much testosterone, very little tactical sense, and poor bike handling skills. In short, amateur. On a side note, some female cyclists refer to the chain ring tattoo as a "Cat 4 Tattoo" because Cat 4 is the lowest category for women's cycling. However, Cat 4 women tend to have their shit together way more than Cat 5 men. Thus I believe that Cat 5 Tattoo does a better job of conveying how amateur the chain ring tattoo is.

Avoiding the Cat 5 Tattoo is simple enough. The easiest way to avoid the tattoo is to keep your chain in the big ring when you are standing around. Then if you bump your bike with your calf you make contact with the chain instead of the chain ring. This is only helpful if you actually clean your bike. Your chain shouldn't be dry and spotless, but an adequately lubed chain does not mean covered in black gunk. In addition, keeping it in the big ring is Pro, so it's kind of a two for one deal.

If you must come to a stop with your chain on the little ring, for instance, if you have just reaching the summit of a 9% 13.8 km 21 switchback alpine climb (Bonus points if you know which specific climb I'm talking about), having a clean bike is also advantageous. The big ring is going to have some grease on it, (you did properly lube your chain recently right?) but it should be a light consistent coating, not a thick chunky coating of road debris accumulated over the past year of cycling. If you do happen to contact the big ring with your calf, you may get a small Cat 5 Tatoo, but because your cleaned your bike recently it should quickly rub off before anyone notices.

So in review,

-Cat 5 Tattoos are so not Pro.

-The Big Ring is Pro.

-Clean bicycles are Pro.

Avoiding the Cat 5 Tattoo is an important step towards becoming a little more Euro while on your bike. Best of luck and look out for next weeks tip on proper head ware. Because there is no point in winning, if you can't do it with style.